Support for Unhealthy, Controlling, & Abusive Relationships
You Don’t Have to Know What to Call It
Maybe you're constantly questioning yourself. Maybe you're changing your behavior to avoid a reaction. Maybe you've become isolated. Maybe money, sex, faith, children, threats, humiliation, intimidation, monitoring, or even affection are being used to control you.
You don't have to prove that it's abuse before you're allowed to talk about it.
Understanding What’s Happening
Sometimes the hardest part is simply naming what's happening. You may be wondering whether your relationship is really abusive, questioning whether it's “bad enough,” or feeling ashamed to admit that something isn't okay.
Maybe you already know something is wrong, but you need a safe person outside of the relationship to help you look at it clearly and say, “No, this isn't okay.”
Therapy gives you a place to talk honestly about what you're experiencing, identify patterns and red flags, and begin making sense of your relationship without judgment or pressure about what you should do next.
You don't have to know what to call it before you come in. We can figure that out together.
It’s Not Always Violence
A lot of people hear “abusive relationship” and picture physical violence. But abuse can also look like control, intimidation, manipulation, or slowly losing the freedom to make choices without worrying about your partner's reaction.
You may recognize things like being monitored, isolated from people you love, controlled financially, pressured or coerced sexually, prevented from making your own reproductive choices, threatened, humiliated, or made to feel afraid of what will happen if you say no. Faith, children, money, affection, or access to basic needs can also be used as ways to maintain control.
Sometimes no single incident seems “bad enough” on its own. It may be the pattern—the ways your choices, safety, independence, or sense of reality have gradually become controlled—that tells a bigger story.
When Christianity is Part of Your Story
If your Christian faith is important to you, questioning your relationship can bring another layer of difficult questions. You may wonder what God expects of you, whether leaving is wrong, whether you are obligated to stay or submit, or even feel ashamed that you're questioning your marriage at all.
Maybe Scripture has been used to pressure you to stay or excuse behavior that has harmed you. Maybe you've wondered whether what you're experiencing is something you're supposed to endure—or even a consequence or penance for your own sins.
You do not have to choose between honoring God and taking your safety seriously.
For clients who want Christian-integrated counseling, we can make space for these questions and explore what Scripture teaches about marriage, how spouses are called to love one another, forgiveness, safety, and your relationship with God—without using submission, forgiveness, or the value of marriage to excuse abuse.
Thinking About Leaving?
Thinking about leaving can bring a lot of conflicting emotions. You may know you want something different and still love or miss your partner. You may be afraid of what will happen if you leave, worried about your children, finances, housing, or what other people will think. You may even find yourself questioning whether things are really bad enough to go.
Therapy isn't a place where you'll be pressured to make a decision before you're ready. It can be a place to talk honestly about what is keeping you there, what you're afraid of, what you would need to move forward, and what leaving could realistically look like for you.
The decision is yours. You deserve support while you figure out what comes next.
Healing After Abuse
Moving Forward Without Repeating the Past
Who I Work With
I work with individuals who are questioning whether their relationship is abusive, considering leaving, preparing for life outside of the relationship, or healing after an abusive relationship has ended.
This work is centered on supporting the person who has experienced abuse. I do not provide treatment for individuals who are perpetrating abuse, and I do not provide couples counseling when there is active violence or abuse in the relationship.
If you're unsure whether what you're experiencing “counts” as abuse, you don't need to figure that out before reaching out. We can start with what is happening and go from there.
Reconnecting With Yourself
When so much of your energy has gone toward anticipating someone else's moods, avoiding conflict, or trying to keep the peace, it can become difficult to know what you want anymore.
What do you want your life to look like? What matters to you? What do you want to feel in a relationship? What have you given up, changed, or stopped doing along the way?
Therapy can give you space to begin finding your own voice again—without someone else deciding what your life should look like.
You get to have wants, needs, boundaries, and hopes for your future.
Building Safety & Support
Abusive relationships can make your world smaller. You may have become isolated from people you once trusted, stopped sharing what is happening, or simply aren't sure who you can safely turn to anymore.
Part of our work can be rebuilding support around you and identifying people and resources you can trust. We can also talk about safety—whether you're staying, considering leaving, or have already left—and what might help you feel more prepared and protected.
You don't have to make every decision right now, and you don't have to figure it out alone.
Leaving an abusive relationship doesn't mean everything suddenly feels okay. You may feel relieved and still grieve. You may know leaving was the right decision and still miss them. You may feel angry, ashamed, confused, lonely, or find yourself questioning whether what happened was really as bad as you remember.
Healing can mean making sense of what you experienced, rebuilding trust in yourself, rediscovering who you are outside of the relationship, and learning that missing someone doesn't mean you have to go back.
You can know you needed to leave and still need time and support to heal from what you left.
After an abusive relationship, it can be hard to trust yourself again. You may wonder how you missed certain red flags, worry that you won't recognize them next time, or question whether you can trust your own judgment about someone new.
Our work isn't about figuring out what you did to cause someone else to abuse you. It's about helping you understand what you experienced, recognize unhealthy patterns earlier, strengthen your boundaries, and become more confident in what you will and won't accept in a relationship.
You can learn to recognize what isn't healthy without becoming afraid to trust, love, or build a relationship again.
You Don't Have to Have It Figured Out
You don't have to be certain that your relationship is abusive. You don't have to know whether you're ready to leave. And if you've already left, you don't have to be “over it” just because the relationship has ended.
You can start exactly where you are.
If You Are in Immediate Danger
Therapy can be an important part of understanding, leaving, and healing from an abusive relationship, but it is not an emergency or crisis service.
If you are in immediate danger or concerned that someone may hurt you, please seek immediate help rather than waiting for a therapy appointment.
